Dr. Jim Scales—”Moving Towards Excellence” by Moving Him Out!




Hamilton County Schools Supt. Jim Scales on Wednesday told members of the Hamilton County Council of PTAs that parents should not be too dismayed by upcoming low test scores. The topic was “Moving Towards Excellence” as he spoke to the 27 members present, each representing various schools throughout the county.

“We have the knowledge, we have the skills and we have the will to do what is right for our children.”

Then why in-the-hell aren’t you using them!

“Moving Towards Excellence?” Move Jim Scales Towards the Exit Sign with the Swinging Door!

Harry Statel


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It’s Not About Me—Why Would You Think That? The Queen Be Speaks!

Queen Missy

Missy Crutchfield, political appointee of Mayor Ron Littlefield to the Chattanooga Office of Education, Art, and Culture has recently come under fire for using the public treasury to promote her for-profit company while on the government payroll. Never one to miss a chance to talk about herself endlessly, Ms. Crutchfield prepared her scripted response for public consumption.

“It’s never been about me. It’s always about my passion for others. It’s about my grants, my radio show, my story, my “Proclamations,” my film commission, my promises, my public appearances, my commitments, my self-importance, my schemes and dreams, my public art, my political aspirations, my past political patronage jobs, my web-site design commission fiasco, my lawsuit, my budget, my role in shaping Chattanooga and the world in my image.”

“But it’s not about me. Why would anyone think that Be magazine was about me?  I don’t understand. I want to get these questions behind me and move forward.”

“Oh! If you see the mayor, tell him my royal chamber-pot needs emptying again.”

“It’s good to Be the Queen!”

Harry Statel


Another Judge for Justice? Nah, Just Another Black-Robed Government Employee

Presumption of Guilt—Hear The Word of the Lord Judge


It’s happened again. Traffic cameras (where no officer is present) takes a photograph of a car in an alleged illegal activity. The car owner is sent a ticket and is fined.

These automatic revenue enhancements for governments have been court challenged, but have been supported by many judges when lawsuits are brought by victims of these questionable surveillance systems (due process and all that worrisome Constitutional stuff seems to have been forgotten).

A recent similar lawsuit was dismissed by Chancellor Frank Brown, another gem of jurisprudence in Hamilton County. Tennessee.  Many judges  get their salaries from such “revenue enhancements” in one form or fashion.

But Good Lord! Here’s what else “The Judge” had to say (Remember, we’re in Amerika).

“. . .the owner of a vehicle can rebut the presumption of guilt by providing the name of the individual who was actually in control of the vehicle at the time of the violation.” Yep, that’s what he said.

Presumption of guilt, your Honor? Say, that’s a nice concept you’ve got there. Worked for the Nazis and Soviets.

Concerning the decriminalization argument, he said, “Most persons speeding, when caught by a police officer, would be happy if the offense did not jeopardize their driving privileges under the points system and the monetary penalty did not include court costs in addition to the fine.”

So the citizens should rejoice that they’re beaten with broom handles instead of metal pipes? Simply brilliant legal theory there, your Honor. Makes me proud to have someone looking out for the Constitution in Chattanooga.

I do believe there’s something in those black robes that’s akin to Viagra that raises egos and self-importance.

Remember, after wearing black robes for longer than four years if your self-importance doesn’t go down, immediately seek a Federal judgeship.


Harry Statel


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Archbishop Littlefield and Pope Claudius Ramseus Make Announcement

Littlefield and Ramsey Annoucement


For Immediate Release; September 30, 2010

At the Old Farmer’s Market and Boondoggle Emporium on 11th Street,  Archbishop Littlefield from Chattanooga and Pope-Meister Claudius Ramseus from the County of Hamilton, announced to the multitude of specially-connected government employees the “Year of Bring Your Hobbies and Business to Work.”

“Yes, it’s true.” said Archbishop Littlefield. “We’ve been told by God (and the City Attorney, his secretaries, and the Council of Commissars) that everyone can bring their personal hobbies, businesses, and special interests to work. No longer shall our workers be shackled by obligation and duty for the job they were hired to do. Rather we shall open the gates for our workers to enjoy the bounty of the public treasury.”

“Let the heathen taxpayers and those outside the faith who would do business make sacrifices (cash only, please), so our coffers runneth over. We shall giveth away tax collections to you, our loyal congregants and patronage peons.”

Pope Claudius took this public opportunity to praise his bishops in the various County of Hamilton conclaves of government.

“Since hiring relatives has worked so well for the High Holy Clerk, God has commanded that entire families should also receive gold and silver from the treasury for work not done.” Keys to the treasury have already been distributed to the Bishops as I trust those paragons of virtue,” said the Pope.

Archbishop Littlefield went on to say that Satan’s Scribes were busy spreading gossip and lies throughout the land.

“One of our beloved saints, Sister Missy Maximus of the Council of Unfricking-Believable, has been hounded by the hoards of heathens and demonic truth-seekers. These acts of the ungodly are too blasphemous to tell at this time, but the entire story will be available in the next issue of BE magazine, available at Council Chambers, staff meetings, and wherever City funds are expropriated.”

“Let’s move forward for the greater good of Chattanooga and Hamilton County. Now take the rest of the year off.”

Following that closing remark, hundreds of doves were released while the joyous sanctified employees sung gospel songs and went in search of the Holy Heinz Grail.

Harry Statel


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East Ridge Government Financial Audits Now Available at City Hall

East Ridge City Hall

Mayor Mike Steele has released the audit for the City of East Ridge City government.  Finally, all those pesky and inappropriate questions are answered.

Your taxpayer money is safe and accounted for. Aren’t you sorry for doubting your East Ridge officials?

Harry Statel


Mayor Littlefield and Staff Rehearse His Press Statements to Help Mayor’s Bad Memory

Remember Ron_I Know Nothing

“Look Ron. I don’t care how many scandals you’re involved in. Forget the Farmer’s Market fiasco, the storm-water fees, the tax increase, your chief of staff Dan Johnson working on Wamp’s primary campaign while on the city payroll, the City Attorney’s “secretarial fees” problem, the Public Art money pit, the patronage jobs, the Tennessee River Sewage Dumps of 2010, the recall, even Missy’s “hobby”. Just keep to your script and you’ll look like a bright light compared to Marion Berry.”

“Let’s go over your lines again, Ron. Repeat after me.”

‘I Know Nothing!’

‘I See Nothing!’

‘I Remember Nothing!’

“Stick with the script, Ron–that’s worked for years in Chattanooga.”

Harry Statel


Missy Talks to the Wicked Witch; Tin-Man and Lion Used Threats to Manipulate Missy. Mayor Littlefield Claims Ignorance (again)!

Conflict-of-interest charges bring stunning revelations to Mayor Ron Littlefield and his Administration. Administration members all claim to have been under “Demonic Possession” the past few years and unable to account for time or ethics.



However, Mr. J. L. Phlembocitis of Tater Squat Road in the Brushy Onion Bottoms of Chattanooga, overheard the following conversation last week before the story broke. This account has not be verified, but sounds right.

Thanks for the update Mr. Phlembocitis. We’ll be keeping our eyes on Dorothy Missy to see how she escapes, if the bodies of the Tin Man and the Lion are found (suicides?), and if the Witch gets wet or new red slippers!

The current situation with EAC and Missy Crutchfield deserves a complete audit and examination. All eyes will be watching the Chattanooga City Council to judge their honesty and ethics — for now and the future. There is no wavering, no middle ground on this one. Just honesty and ethics.

Watch the Chattanooga City Council.What will they do? My guess is, “Move along folks–no ethics to see here.”

Harry Statel


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If Truth-in-Advertising was required for Chattanooga Politicians!

If Truth-in-Advertising was required for Chattanooga Politicians!

This is an ad for Missy Cruthfield’s radio show. Here’s how it reads.

“Speak Out with Missy Crutchfield – July 24, 2010

Stand Up. Speak Out. It’s All About Community. We Really Are Connected.

Host Missy Crutchfield infuses her weekly radio shows with in-depth community interviews and creative “Voices” segments where listeners will hear from kids, teens, community activists, seniors, and others sharing their thoughts and ideas on life, community, and connecting to make a difference.”

Let’s read between the lines, shall we?

Stand Up (It’s easier to steal your wallet). Speak Out (If Manny Rico says you can). It’s All About Community (Just kidding-it’s about padding my pockets). We Really Are Connected (to most of the political con-men in Chattanooga, Hi-Ya Ron! A shout-out to Manny and Jack!)

Host (as in parasitic host) Missy Crutchfield infuses (artificially inseminates) her weekly radio shows (patronage propaganda) with in-depth community interviews (unless you fight local government corruption or want to recall Littlefield) and creative “Voices” segments (politicians crying for more taxpayer money, government handouts, public “art”, film subsidies,TVA parking garages, Chattanooga City Council free dinners, Hamilton County Commission Discretionary Funds, etc.) where listeners (my staff, Ronnie, Rico, Benson, and other taxpayer supported “goodfellows”) will hear from kids, teens, community activists, seniors, and others sharing their thoughts and ideas on life (actually it’s my life, it’s all about me), community (and how to get me elected to any public office where the real looting can begin), and connecting to make a difference (Everybody Sing!  “My right hands connected to your money bone, to get some cash to build my throne, but stealing is verboten so I’ll call it a loan, so hear the word of The Borg.”)

There you have it –Truth-in-Advertising.

Here’s one on Public Art and Crime http://wp.me/p10KwY-dc Bought to you by the letters BE, LLC.


Harry Statel

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Let’s Play East Ridge Jeopardy for $700,000.00, Alex!


“It’s not a deficit. The dog ate my audit. “The council has done a great job in managing the welfare of this city.”

Do I have five fingers on my left hand? Mr. Lambert, Mr. Card, and Mr. Sewell are fiscal conservatives and swell fellows. I miss Curtis Adams.

“That money was “already pre-approved surplus funds, it shouldn’t be counted as a part of an unforeseen deficit.” If there is another City looking for a manager, I would recommend him [Whitson] without reservation.”

How you like my flag? A dinosaur spent all the money. “That given the bad economy, along with last year’s massive flooding, East Ridge had a very stable year.” Albert Waterhouse earned his $97,674.70 contract.

“That $389,000 was “previously approved by the council to be paid out of reserves. and should not be counted in the deficit.” I’ve never ridden in a car with Jimmy Swaggart or Jim Bakker.”

The Correct Question Is:

What Are Things that Mayor Steele May or May Not Have Said During His Reign?


Here’s some other adventures in East Ridge for your viewing and reading edification!



Harry Statel


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The Gamblers—Betting Somebody Else’s Farm and Losing (It’s OK, it’s not our money)!

You’ve Got to Know How to Screw ‘Em

Starring:  Bob “Let’s Make a Deal” Corker as the Card Sharp, Jack “Tin-Foil Hat” Benson, Sally “Anything for My Bucks” Robinson, and Ron “Recall the Cards” Littlefield as the Good-Times Players, and Smiling Manny Rico as the part-time procurer and funeral director, in another tax-filled Chattanooga debacle, ” How I Screwed Your Mother (and father, and your whole damn taxpaying family).”

City Council breaks bond to refinance




Harry Statel


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