Reference Chattanooga Times Free Press, February 6, 2010
Mayor Glasscock really said this! In Red Bank, Tennessee—not some gulag in the Soviet Union—not some hovel in Timbuktu— not in Uncle Fidel’s Havana—not in Taliban Kabul—in Red Bank, Tennessee!
Are you ready for this? Mayor Joe Glasscock of Red Bank said, “There is no privacy anymore,” he said. “If people won’t obey the law, they must be punished, and one of the only ways to do it is through surveillance.”
What’s next? Well, rub your crystal balls and fast forward into a future Red Bank.
“Hello–Red Bank Police Department.”
A terrified woman screams, “There’s someone peeping in my bathroom window.”
“Do you live off Dayton Boulevard on Meadowbrook Drive?”
“Yes, please send help. Oh my God! An old white man is coming through the window!” The woman is hysterical.
“Lady, please relax, remain calm and do what the Mayor says. Mayor Glasscock was on home patrol tonight and reported you using a spray deodorant while a candle was burning in your bathroom, in violation of Red Bank’s Fire Ordinance 37Uy473268, and he has the photos to prove it. If you look in the corner of your bathroom window, you’ll see where the Mayor installed a miniature camera as His Honor has decreed there’s no privacy anymore. We’ll be issuing you a citation by mail for fifty dollars.”
“The Mayor also stated you will receive a citation as well for flushing twice in five minutes in violation of the Red Bank Water Ordinance 0U812 and he’s got the photos for that too. And don’t think of trying anything but the missionary position either. Who do you think you are? You must be punished and here in Red Bank we must do as His Honor says.”
As the smugly intrepid Mayor Glasscock climbs out the woman’s bedroom window, silently going about everybody’s business, he exclaims, “It’s good to be the King!”
If you liked this post, please submit it to Facebook, Digg, or share it on Twitter. Thanks.