Just in time for Festivus, Christmas, Chanukah, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s “Great Meat-Balls of Fall” festival!

Just in time for Festivus, Christmas, Chanukah, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s “Great  Meat-Balls of Fall” festival!

It’s Exciting (to us), Not New, and Greatly Unimproved!  Voted (in a secret meeting) as the Number 1 Item on the Political Hacks’ Gift-Giving List!

It’s the Littlefield “Ronco ‘Crap-o-Matic’ Machine!”

Perfect for those special interests, lobbyists, bagmen, patronage bureaucrats, and other ne’erdowells on your payoff list.

The“Ronco ‘Crap-O-Matic’ Machine”! It does nothing at all, yet gives you that warm feeling running down your leg, magically helps you lose weight in your wallet and pockets, and delivers free Rainbow Stew for those feeding at the public trough.

Guaranteed to suck money from taxpayers and collect coins for political partnerships and paybacks.

Great for those public-private developments, unemployable politicians, and teeny-tiny people clamoring for crumbs from the Ronco table.

Yes, join your friends and neighbors under the “Big Brown Refrigerator Box” at the Farmer’s Market Watergate Shelter while Ronco promotes another worthless waste of your money!

Your “Crap-O’-Matic” will be delivered to your tax-foreclosed home by none other than “Wocky, the Wat”  ( http://wp.me/p10KwY-86 ) in a plain brown manila envelope designed  by the $105,000.00 director of the Department of Education, Arts, and Cultural Affairs” and her lollygaggers at $200.00 per envelope (It’s-For-the-Children to Connect-the-Knotheads).

Act Now and we’ll give you Free the DVD everyone’s talking about! Hear Chattanooga City Council’s beautiful recordings of political holiday classics.

Enjoy such Council favorites as “While Shepherds Screw Their Flocks by Night”, “Away in a Manger I Hide All My Cash”, “O Holey Pants, I Think I Lost My Payoff” and that perennial favorite “O Come Annexation, Let Us Take More Money” as only the Council can accomplish. Two rolls of City Charter toilet paper as inspected by attorneys and declared “Just Right” enclosed with each bribe, payoff, contract, order.

AS a special gift, we’ll included the new “Storm-water Fees In-A-Box.” Just pay the outrageous shipping and handling charges (governments, Volkswagen, and assorted special-interests get free delivery). Matter-of-fact, we’ll charge you ten times the usual fee. Why? Because we can!

But Wait!–There’s More! We’ve contacted our friends at the Hamilton County School Board Retirement Group and made a deal.

For a limited time, we’re giving away Free autographed photos of Hammy, The Hamilton County School Board Pig! ( http://wp.me/p10KwY-bo ) Signed by the current and retiring Hamilton County School Board members while wallowing in their retirement benefits they voted for themselves! All you have to do is remove the excrement from the photograph when it arrives! (Just pay separate processing and handling fees forever.)

Make it a special Holiday Season this year! Send your money (cash only, we don’t like a paper trail) to:

Mr. Hankey
Office for Our Sustainability
101 E. 11th Street
Chattanooga, TN 37402

Make it a “Crap-o-Matic” Holiday Season!

Harry Statel


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