What a Friend We Have in Ronnie, All the Taxes He Can Spend,
As His Cronies Make Big Money, We Get Shafted in the End.
Verily, verily. Harken to the Word of the Ron! He is the The Chosen One! Yea, though I walk through Jack’s Alley, I shall fear not. His stormwaters shall drowned the wicked taxpayers. He doth smite the tribes of Recallerites with his mighty counselors and court filings. He casteth out the Evil watchers of His Kingdom.
Let us raise Great Taxes to please his followers. He shall not want. He dreameth of many mansions on Holy Fields of tar. Fear the Wrath of Ron! He hath prophesied Great Trials and Tribulations for Chattanoogites should He not get His way. Blessed be the Name of the Ron!
First Councilonians 3:5-6
Away in His Office
(sung to the tune Away in the Manger)
Away in his office and feeling alone
The little lord Littlefield cries out for a throne!
I love you King Crutchfield, whatever you say
I’ll give Missy status and lot’s of good pay.
There’s jobs for my bosses and jobs for my friends,
And jobs without merit and jobs without end.
I’ve promised the high paying jobs all away.
But you bring me voters — we’ll barter for pay.
I’ll walk ‘cross the waters at Moccasin Bend
On sewage and dead fish without any end.
It’s great my position will buy lots of things
Like old Farmer’s Markets without any strings.
I’ll take from taxpayers and give to the rich,
But don’t tell the voters–they think that it’s switched.
I’ve promised a homeless hotel for the poor,
“The Littlefield Palace” for delusions of grandeur.
It doesn’t matter that the site is all wrong
With coal tar and dump pits I knew all along.
I bought the brownfield with large profits for friends
Except the taxpayers who got screwed in the end.
I give to my friends and they give back to me,
An honest public servant I’ll pretend to be
I pulled all the wool over most peoples’ eyes
But now the blind see through my thin disguise.
I’ll pass by the sculptures so gleaming and bright,
While robbing and shootings take place in daylight.
It matters not one bit what taxpayers say
“I am the Lord Mayor, now be on your way.”